I Now Pronounce You...

The priest, the bride in her marshmallow dress, and groom in his tux, the rings and the roses. The crying guests with tissues. The cake cutting.

"By the power vested in me by the state of ___________, I now pronounce you man and wife."

This is not only an image we are familiar with, it's an image many of us are attached to. This is tradition, right? This is what marriage has always been, isn't it? A joining of man and woman to start a family and a life together. That's what the word marriage means, right?

And the gay rights movement, in its attempt to gain legal recognition for gay and lesbian couples is apparently trying to steal the word marriage. Attempting to redefine it. This threatens our entire way of life. According to some it trivializes their own marriage. It threatens tradition and history.

Why are we so attached to this word, marriage, and what it "has always been"? Why does its definition affect us so much?

Language evolves constantly. Words change meanings and definitions minute-by-minute. Every day Merriam-Webster editors scour publications looking for new words or new usages for old words and every year they add words to the dictionary. Rumor has it the word frenemy, defined as "a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry" was added in 2010 to many long-respected dictionaries. This alone should make us question attachment to any word to definition. Who knows what word tomorrow's viral YouTube video will bring us?

When Shakespeare wrote his poem "Pheonix and Turtle" he wasn't talking about a bird and a reptile. The entire poem is sprinkled with images of birds, and during that time period no one used the word Turtle to describe the hard-shelled, slow-moving reptiles we know today. He was talking about the Turtle Dove. Which is good, because the rapid movement Shakespeare illustrates in the poem is completely uncharacteristic of the turtles we know and love today. (Sorry, lit-geek moment there)

Anyone who uses "google" as a verb or knows the word "text" isn't describing a dusty book in the back of a library is using language as it has evolved in just the last few years. To my dismay the words "irregardless" and "funner" have been finding their way into common language so often that even educated people are beginning to accept them as valid words. Most of the time when language changes people don't even notice. So why does everyone freak out over the definition of marriage?

Let's look at the evolution of marriage, itself because anyone who thinks that image of the bride in the white dress and the groom in a tux is the way it has always been may be in for a surprise. The white dress itself is a tradition younger than The United States, begun by Queen Victoria in 1840.

Throughout history people have married for different reasons. Most recently, by historical standards, people have married for love or to raise a family, but to assume this is the long-standing tradition is simply naive.

For a large portion of history people married for economic reasons or in arranged marriages determined when a girl was just a toddler. Considering my family's economic status I would have to say I'm glad that the whole "dowry" concept has been dropped by much of society, because I doubt my family could have offered much to my sister's wonderful new husband, but we were able to offer a woman who loves him dearly and wants to spend her life with him.

And really, that's what marriage is about today, right? Establishing who we want to spend our lives with. Legally protecting ourselves, our assets and our children. Committing ourselves to each other and a future together.

Marriage was originally a business deal and became a religious ceremony with the rise of Christianity in the 12th century. It was until the 16th century that Martin Luther declared marriage to be "a worldly thing... that belongs to the realm of government" and ceremonies began to be performed by a Justice of the Peace instead of a Priest. With the feminist movement came women denying taking their husband's name, refusing to be "owned" by the man they love. This doesn't make them less married, does it?

Marriage, its definition, and it's history all show us that it is an evolving thing. The fight against this evolution seems largely futile to me. If marriage had always been a religious thing, always been a government contract, or always been between a man and a woman who had fallen in love I could see this side of the argument. But it hasn't. It has changed, its purpose and definition have changed. Society changes. Language changes.

Even the image of the bride in the white dress has evolved over the years. To propose a new defition of the word, if that is what people claim the gay rights movement is doing, is not a new thing. It has been done many times throughout the history of humanity. For many the fidelity of marriage is the most important part, for others it is inconsequential. For many the legal protection is the most important, for others it is the religious recognition.

For me, "irregardless" and "funner" will never be words. I guess we all have language we are attached to, huh?

Selling My Truck

I hate selling vehicles. I hate buying vehicles. I hate going to car mechanics. I hate all of it. I feel dumb when talking to a mechanic. Since I have no athletic ability I pride myself on my education, so feeling dumb about something is very difficult for me. Half the time I don't even know what mechanics are talking about and I just keep a poker face so that I don't get played. Over the years I've looked back on repairs and realized, to my own embarrassment, that I was played more than once.

My dad isn't exactly Joe-Mechanic. The only person who ever attempted to teach me about vehicles was my uncle and I regret how often I walked away from those conversations. I should have listened to him. Now I want to know what he was trying to tell me. I want to know everything about cars because I'm tired of them breaking down and not being able to repair them myself. Or, worse, having a small issue become a big issue because I don't know the signs to look for.

I've read a few books but I'm really a hands-on kind of girl. I have to touch it, see it, repair it myself in order to understand it. I know a lot about brake systems because I drove an SUV for so many years. If you've never had an SUV you don't realize just how tough they can be on brake systems. But the rest of the vehicle is a mystery to me.

I have a really great mechanic named Brad who takes the time to explain everything to me. I am so grateful to him for the extra time he spends with me, but I wish he didn't have to.

One day - when I'm not busy taking college courses and working multiple jobs - I will take a class on car repair. I'm pretty good with tools, I think I'd be good with cars if I just had the education I need.

Car repair should be a required class in high school.

Marriage Equality

As you may or may not know I'm taking a short hiatus from my job until I get my new car in August. In the meantime I'm doing a job that is incredibly hard, intimidating at times, and something I'm just as passionate about. I'm canvassing local registered voters and talking to them about marriage equality.

Every day I knock on 60-80 doors, and I have this conversation at least ten times:



Okay, maybe not that exact conversation, but something similar.

Anyway...

This is something my great state of Maine voted on in 2009. At the time the opposition rolled out a series of commercials claiming that gay marriage would be taught in schools and that teachers would encourage homosexuality, and other outlandish things. Since that campaign ended the leader of the opposition has admitted to those claims being exaggerated hyperbole. You can see that video here:



The one claim I hear the most often is that the government shouldn't have anything to say about marriage because marriage is a religious thing. I have to say, I can see this side of the argument. However, if marriage is a religious thing why do couples get a legal marriage certificate? For the legal protections, of course.

Should the government have anything to say about marriage? Probably not. I would say that means that they should withdraw all marriage licenses entirely and only recognize the religious/spiritual/personal ceremonies people held as proof of their commitment to one another. And don't tell me that they can't do that, because they already did. For the short period of time that it was legal in Maine many homosexual couples were married, only to be told later that their marriage was no longer legal.

There is a reason the government is involved. Marriage isn't just about that personal commitment. It's about the recognition that you are now family. Marriage isn't just about promising to love one another forever. It is what gives a wife the right to make medical decisions for an incapacitated husband. It is what proves that your commitment is serious enough for you to share financial responsibilities or health care. It's about committing yourself to raising children and buying houses together if you so care to. If marriage is entirely about the religious aspect why don't heterosexual couples just go to the church for their wedding and skip paying the $40 fee for a marriage license?

But marriage is not about the church, and the church is not (supposed to be) about the government. This country is built on diversity. From its earliest days we have had neighbors who didn't agree with neighbors. Through many wars we have had fathers disagreeing with daughters. That right to disagree, have our own opinions and speak our own minds and still be protected by our government is the beauty of living in this country.

I am not asking to infringe on religious marriage. I have no interest in being able to marry in someone else's church and I can marry at any time in my own church without the state recognizing it if I want. What I am asking for is the legal recognition that heterosexual couples already have. What I am asking for has absolutely nothing to do with religious marriage and everything to do with civil marriage.

If you don't want the word marriage involved because that's a religious thing you need to examine why your marriage is legal. Marriage was taken out of the church when they pinned a legal document to it. Don't violate my first amendment right to religion by claiming that only religions that recognize heterosexual marriages are allowed to marry their followers. In my church marriage is a commitment between two people who love each other regardless of gender. Are you ready to deny my religion just because you feel your religion holds the monopoly over a single word?

If marriage is a religious thing, let it be a religious thing. But if it is a legal thing, it needs to be made available to everyone.

If You Care, Leave Them There

As a tour guide at the Maine Wildlife Park and a volunteer for Misfits Rehab, a local wildlife rescue, I have heard a lot of stories of how animals are affected by humans, and vice versa. You may remember my post about the raccoons Abbott, Costello and Napoleon. I am a strong advocate for wildlife and animal rescues. As I walk tour groups of children through the wildlife park, introducing them to all of the fascinating species and giving them interesting facts about the animals I repeat the same phrase.

If you care, leave them there.

This is the time of year that turtles are breeding, which means a lot of them are crossing the road during the day. The first common mistake most people make is to pick that turtle up and take them back to the side of the road. The side he or she is coming from. Turtles have amazing senses of direction and will simply attempt to cross the road again. They have a destination is mind and are determined to get there. The next person to come down that road may not care as much as you did to avoid hitting the turtle.

The other mistake is to take them home as a pet. There are so many things wrong with this plan. First of all most states have specific laws about legal and illegal species citizens can keep as pets. In Maine keeping a wild animal as a pet is at least a $1,000 fine. This is for the protection of the state's wildlife and for the protection of the people of Maine.

If you care, leave them there.

A few years ago a group of people found a baby deer under a bush. A wildlife rehabilitator came across the group and tried to tell the people that they needed to leave the fawn alone. Mother deer leave their babies hiding in a safe, secluded location while they find food. They rely on the baby's camouflage to protect it from predators and return for it later. This licensed wildlife rehabilitator attempted to tell the collecting crowd of people this but they refused to believe her, insisting the deer needed "rescuing". It's highly likely the mother was nearby, afraid to draw attention to herself and unable to return to her baby.

This is also common with rabbits, who only feed their babies twice a day. Throughout the day those babies are left alone in a nest. If you come across them and they look round and plump they don't need help. If you're not sure, don't take them. Call a professional for advice first.

If you care, leave them there.

And of course, rabies. Rabies, and other diseases, are prevalent in many different species of animals. Wildlife professionals are vaccinated against rabies in order to safely handle them, and they still are required to wear gloves. As the story above of Abbott, Costello and Napoleon shows, even an animal that doesn't have rabies can suffer because of human handling.

If you care, leave them there.

If you're positive the animal you have come across needs assistance there are a few things to remember:

The first is to never touch a wild animal with your bare hands. Even an injured or baby animal can bite, can pass diseases (including rabies) and can carry parasites. If you have to move the animal do so with a protective barrier between yourself and the animal, such as gloves, a towel, a box, etc.

Second, call a professional. There are many websites, including this one, where you can find a licensed professional to assist you in helping the animal. Make a note of where you have found the animal if you are the one transporting it so that after the rescue it can be released as close to its natural habitat as possible. If you're someone who spends a lot of time outdoors, write down some numbers and keep them in your backpack or program them into your phone so that you can easily and quickly contact a wildlife professional.

I commend anyone who wants to help an animal, but even with the best intentions, someone who hasn't educated themselves about wildlife can do more harm than good. If you really want to help that animal and feel like a hero, make the right decisions. Know what you're doing, and follow the advice of professionals.

And, of course, IF YOU CARE, LEAVE THEM THERE.

Dear Big Oil,

Hey, I hope you’re
having a great day.
I wanted to congratulate you
on your first quarter profits-
I hear you did really well.
Good for you! You must
be so proud. I’m sure
that after that little spill
in 2010 you were probably
kind of nervous, wondering
if America could forget
and still trust you to
keep us running.
And I heard the government
approved your tax breaks again.
How great for you!
Congratulations! You must
really deserve that for all
the work you do.
I wish I could say that I
had such a successful first
quarter, but being
a college student doesn’t
pay all that much, even
though I study hard and maintain
a 4.0gpa. And I
work, too, but my job
is in the behavioral health
field. It’s difficult to get rich
helping people. I get
intrinsic rewards instead
of monetary ones, I suppose.
Knowing I am helping make
the world a better place
is my bonus, but I struggle
to pay the bills.
And since gas was over $4
a gallon this spring, and
it cost me over $50 to fill
my tank to drive to work
my savings account
was depleted rather rapidly.
Which means that since my oil
pump went in my Ford
this week I can’t afford
a down payment on a new
car or to repair the one
I have. But I was thinking,
since you have been so
successful, and I’m a long-
time customer who has been
filling an SUV for the last
6 years, maybe you could
help me out a little?
If I promise not to buy
an electric car, and I promise
not to complain about
gas prices? I figure the few
thousand dollars I need for
a car is just a drop in the
oil tank for you guys, right?
After your profits this quarter?
And hey, you can feel
good because I’ll be working
to make the world a better
place. You can share in my
intrinsic rewards this way!
What do you say, big oil?
Gimme a call.
signed
life-long gas consumer

Learning to Ride A Bike Again

My truck has died and is likely on its way to the great truck heaven in the sky. And I have the arduous task of learning to ride a bike again.

As a child and teen my bicycles were very important to me. I bought quite a few at lawn sales, and kind of mixed-and-matched to pull the best parts off of each and create my ideal bike. In the end I had a red city bike with mountain bike tires and multiple special features, including a water bottle rack, a bag on the back, and some nifty looking reflectors. I loved that bike.

The bike I ride now is purple. That could be better. I'm not a fan of the color. But it's an alright bike, if you ignore the rust. Frankly, I feel like a teenager riding it around town. This is both good and bad. My teenage years were ... interesting. They weren't my happiest years, but they were the beginning of my freedom, and my bike symbolized that for me.

Now my bike is not freedom. It is cumbersome. They say you never forget how to ride a bike. You may not, but you have muscles that do, and after just two days on mine those muscles are screaming at me. I have to stop and walk the bike frequently as I work my way up to long distance riding.

The worst part is I can't work with the blind child I work with. He lives in a different city and until I have a vehicle again I have to stick with the job I do here. I feel that job is one of the best things I've ever done with my working life, and it kills me that I have to stop doing it for awhile. So although I feel like I am doing something good for the environment, I also feel like it is keeping me from something good I do for humanity.

This may be the universe's way of making me pay for driving an SUV for so many years, as if the pump prices and repair costs weren't enough...

Children and Dandelions

you may hate this plant
this stupid weed
with all of its
bright yellow friends
dotting your lawn
freckling its perfect
green landscape
you may loathe
this innocent plant
attacking it with
weedkiller and mower
but children see
something different there
they treasure this
beautiful flower
they collect a few
in tight bunches
grasp in tiny
grubby fingers
they present them
as gifts
small tokens of love
don't you dare discard
their previous offering
and the few flowers they miss
that remain overlooked
in your yard
will soon turn white
small puffs of fuzz
the children close
their eyes tight
and giggle with delight
as they send
those tiny seeds across the grass
so that later
they can become
more stupid yellow puffs
freckling your lawn