Dear Big Oil,

Hey, I hope you’re
having a great day.
I wanted to congratulate you
on your first quarter profits-
I hear you did really well.
Good for you! You must
be so proud. I’m sure
that after that little spill
in 2010 you were probably
kind of nervous, wondering
if America could forget
and still trust you to
keep us running.
And I heard the government
approved your tax breaks again.
How great for you!
Congratulations! You must
really deserve that for all
the work you do.
I wish I could say that I
had such a successful first
quarter, but being
a college student doesn’t
pay all that much, even
though I study hard and maintain
a 4.0gpa. And I
work, too, but my job
is in the behavioral health
field. It’s difficult to get rich
helping people. I get
intrinsic rewards instead
of monetary ones, I suppose.
Knowing I am helping make
the world a better place
is my bonus, but I struggle
to pay the bills.
And since gas was over $4
a gallon this spring, and
it cost me over $50 to fill
my tank to drive to work
my savings account
was depleted rather rapidly.
Which means that since my oil
pump went in my Ford
this week I can’t afford
a down payment on a new
car or to repair the one
I have. But I was thinking,
since you have been so
successful, and I’m a long-
time customer who has been
filling an SUV for the last
6 years, maybe you could
help me out a little?
If I promise not to buy
an electric car, and I promise
not to complain about
gas prices? I figure the few
thousand dollars I need for
a car is just a drop in the
oil tank for you guys, right?
After your profits this quarter?
And hey, you can feel
good because I’ll be working
to make the world a better
place. You can share in my
intrinsic rewards this way!
What do you say, big oil?
Gimme a call.
signed
life-long gas consumer