The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

 In the past, deciding what book to read next has been a really long process. I have stacks of books in a little shelf by the bed, plus a few boxes of books here and there in the attic, under the bed, etc. I usually will pick and choose, looking through the pile, but recently I've been doing something different. I'm just grabbing the next book on the stack. 

I've got books that have been in my to-read stack for so long I don't even know where they came from. Some books in my to-read stacks I bought two or three houses ago, and I just keep moving them from place to place. Time to finally make my way through this backlog of books and either read them or give them away.

Which is how I ended up reading The Thirteenth Tale, by Diane Setterfield. This haunting, beautiful book is exactly what I needed, and I'm not sure I would have picked it out of the stack if I had been pickier. Not because it didn't sound intriguing, but because I hadn't heard a lot of people talking about it. It's on the to-read list for a lot of my goodreads friends, but not many have read it yet. 

This book sits in the literary world somewhere between Jane Eyre and Frankenstein, with a dash of Girl Friday. A book seller turned journalist ends up interviewing a mysterious author essentially on her deathbed. The journalist, who has her own traumatic past, learns about the author's sordid, gothic childhood and uncovers murder, secrets and drama. Throughout, however, the mystery of what the "Thirteenth Tale" is remains... 

The most impressive thing about this book is that even when I had figured out the big secret, I was still completely enthralled by the storytelling. Usually, once I've solved the mystery I get bored with a book, but this one still kept me reading. Even though I knew what was happening, I was wrapped up in all the details of HOW it would happen.

As a writer, I always want to pay attention when an author can keep me intrigued even if I know the end of the tale already... (ie. Hamilton, or Titanic...) 

And that's all I'll say about that, because anything else would be spoilers. 

The next book in my stack is: 

The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd

I also recently read and enjoyed: 

A Tale of Magic by Chris Colfer

Daughter of the White River - Audiobook Review

Ten years ago I was lucky enough to be invited to an S.J. Tucker house concert in Salem, Massachusetts. I had been a fan for a few years by that point, and it was a magical night of music and good company.

A picture of me looking really weird and super nervous.

S.J. Tucker’s music has this wonderful, faery charm and I can’t stress enough how good it is. Each album has its own sound, and purpose. Some are more spiritual and pagan-focused, others play a different direction, but every one of them is good.

When I heard Sooj had recorded an audiobook I had to jump on that. Then I found out it was a true crime story about an incredibly complicated woman who exacted revenge on the man who killed her father and I was even more excited. 

Daughter of the White River by Denise White Parkinson is like a roller-coaster, in all the best ways. From soft, tranquil moments of southern charm, to wild, heart-racing murder and prison escapes, this story has everything a true crime fan could want.

Parkinson offers us a story of crime and poverty that begs us to question what we view as justice. 

S.J. Tucker’s reading performance is beautiful and soothing. I hope I can experience many more audiobooks read by her. 

What I’m reading next:

 

The Testaments by Margaret Atwood

Another book I recently read and loved:

Giant Days, Volume 11.

(I have loved this entire series.) 

What are you reading? 

My Relationship With Comic Books (and a Short Review of Wonder Woman)

If someone had asked me a year ago if I was a comic book fan I would have said, “Eh, not really.”

However, I just read Wonder Woman, Vol. 2, Year 1 and halfway through it I got thinking about my relationship with comic books. I realized that somehow some patriarchal stereotype of who a comics fan is had made me think I was something I wasn’t. I am totally a comic book fan, I just never read “boys” comic books.

There was a time I owned a notebook with every “Blondie” strip from the Sunday comics taped inside it. I also read every "Sabrina the Teenage Witch," “Archie," and "Betty and Veronica" book I could get my hands on. I read Garfield until I wore through the binding, and I discovered and devoured Dilbert years before I understood the office politics involved.

What I didn’t read was superhero comic books, and the stereotypical image of a “comic book fan” includes superheroes. I fell for that trope so hard I questioned something I’ve known about myself for years.

I am most definitely a comic book fan.

My quick review: I definitely enjoyed this book. The artwork was beautiful, it was timely commentary on our modern world, diverse, and inclusive. It was empowering, and a great accompaniment to the spectacular movie this summer.

And in the future I’ve got to remember that I really am a comic book fan.

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline - A Review

I have extremely mixed feelings about this book and I’m going to explain them in two parts.

Part one - The Part Without Spoilers:

This book is, as my wife so eloquently put it, “Willy Wonka for video game nerds.” Also for comic book fans and 80’s music and movie buffs. Ready Player One is a dystopian, set roughly in the 2040s. Global warming and fossil fuel shortages have taken their toll, and now everyone lives, works and plays in a virtual MMO style video game world called The Oasis. When the creator of the game, Halliday (quirky guy, Steve Jobs type) dies he leaves an easter egg in the game waiting to be discovered. Whoever finds it first gets everything. All Halliday’s money, and complete control over The Oasis. However, in order to find the egg you have to basically memorize everything about pop culture in the 1980’s. Oh, and learn everything there is to know about Halliday himself.

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

Seriously though, you won’t go two sentences without an 80’s reference in this book. The characters even talk like they are in the 80’s. (I can’t remember the last time I heard someone say “smooth move ex-lax”) The tests to find this egg involve "Monty Python," "War Games" and Pacman. This book is dripping in 80’s nostalgia to almost a nauseating point. Almost. It walks a fine line, and really most of the 80’s nostalgia I enjoyed.

There is, however, a lot of exposition. I mean, there is an entire world to build here, I get that. But there are so many pages of this teenage boy talking to us, explaining the world he lives in. There had to have been a better way to handle that.

Still, I couldn’t stop listening. I “read" this book as the audiobook version performed by Wil Wheaton (who, incidentally, can mimic old video games perfectly) and I just kept listening. I listened to all fifteen hours in just three days. It was mesmerizing. I totally recommend reading it if you in any way have any interest in video games, or 80’s pop culture.

Part two - The Part With Spoilers:

First of all, “Reality is real.” My GODDESS I hope they find better final dialogue for Halliday in the movie version, because that’s about the worst bit of advice you can give to a kid who just WON THE INTERNET in a literal sense. Overall, there’s a lot of cheese like this. I definitely recognize the cheese was intentional, it fed into the whole 80’s feel of the book. But it also made the book a bit too predictable. I mean, obviously THAT GUY is going to come to the rescue. Obviously one of these avatars is being played by a person of a different gender or race...

And speaking of gender, why am I reading yet another book about a mediocre white boy who wins everything simply because of circumstance and luck? I mean, yeah, Wade put in a lot of research. But Artemis found the first gate before he did, AND she’s the only reason he gets through the third gate at all! Basically all my issues with the book are in the supporting characters.

A) Artemis was way more interesting than Wade. And should have won it all. Instead she gets the boy. As usual.
B) Aech deserved a book of her own. (I hope you really paid attention to the “spoilers” notice above because I would hate to ruin that twist for anyone, if you don’t see it coming on your own...) Seriously, though, HER STORY WOULD KILL. I want to know more! I want to know about her relationship with her mother. I want to know about her life as a black lesbian in this computer world. I want to hear from her.
C) Shoto and Daito, also could be great characters. But we’re so busy learning about the world they all live in that we don’t learn enough about them, and we’re left with rather flat, cliché, Japanese video game nerds.

It really was a great book and I will plan to be there opening weekend of the movie. But I’m kind of sick of the white boy who is conveniently surrounded by a diverse cast, who all seem smarter than him in about ten thousand ways... and yet he still wins it all in the end.

Including the girl.

In a garden maze.

Where she’s gazing into a fountain...

Really. That happens.

Next week I’m going to review:

Wonder Woman

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire

I just finished listening to the audiobook version of Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire and I keep thinking, “Oh so-and-so would love this book, too!” It was a quick, easy listen, a delightful story and a wonderful break from reality. 

 Nancy is a teenage girl who spent some recent time with the dead. Now back on earth, distraught and missing the land she calls “home" she has been sent to a school for kids like her. Children, mostly girls, who have wandered through looking glasses and fell through trap doors into fantasy worlds, and want desperately to return.


Think Ms. Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, throw in a dash of Alice in Wonderland and sprinkle a healthy dose of Neil Gaiman on top. 

I was first introduced to Seanan McGuire through the novels she published under the name Mira Grant, and she has yet to disappoint me. She has a deftly develops characters, making them whole and real people within pages. Her handling of modern day social issues is timeless, and will likely read well decades from now. She is always a good read, her novels an escape for the reader as they watch the characters in this book escape into their own fantasy worlds.

Next I’m reading:

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin

Hockey-Loving Princesses and Lumberjanes

Last Autumn I began a new job as a nanny to two wonderful children. With this job comes a lot of reading children's books, so I'd like to review a couple of them:

I Am A Story by Dan Yaccarino

On Mondays, my weekday off, I tend to run through the library and grab random books on my way through based strictly off of the cover art. This was one of those books, and I'm so glad I grabbed it. This beautiful book is a history of storytelling, broken down for children. It covers everything from cave paintings to kindles, and even sparked a conversation about book burning and censorship with one of the children I read it with.

Mother Bruce by Ryan T. Higgins

Bruce is a grouchy loner of a bear, who ends up adopting a flock of baby geese when they hatch before he can turn them into breakfast. This book is for children, but has enough entertaining adult jokes to keep the rest of us interestedHotel Bruce is just as fun.)
. (Also,

The Princess and the Packet of Frozen Peas by Tony Wilson

This prince doesn't want a whiny princess who complains all the time about things like peas under mattresses and dinner that's too cold. He wants a tough princess, who can handle an entire package of frozen peas under her mattress, and also it's best if she likes camping and hockey.

Lumberjanes by Noelle Stevenson, Grace Ellis, Shannon Watters, Brooke A. Allen

The children I nanny aren't old enough for this yet, but I have a couple of nieces who will likely end up with copies of this graphic novel in the near future. Lumberjanes is about summer camp, it’s about being a girl and it’s about being a little weird.

The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore by William Joyce

I think I’ve shared the short film of this book before, but if not click here. This book is a love letter to books. I read this one by myself, not just with children.

A Book Update: Politics and Feminism and a Book about a Book

What I just read:

Nation by Terry Pratchett

I’m relatively late to the Terry Prachett world. Why? I’m not really sure. I should have been here decades ago! At this point, though, every Terry Pratchett book I’ve read has been an entertaining insightful examination of our world. This beautiful book explores the path of a tribal boy becoming a man after a tidal wave wipes out his entire community. He befriends a woman named Daphne, and as they learn to speak each other’s languages, they also learn who they are and what their role in the world is.

People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks

I picked this book up just after the election thinking it was time for me to read something light and beautiful that would distract me from the horror of the political election. About thirty pages in I realized that this book was not going to distract me at all. It’s a penetrating examination of prejudice, holocaust and otherness. I’ve always had a minor fascination with the job of a book restorer, and this book is about those people, along with book creators, book saviors, and people who have been willing to live and die for a book.

What I’m Reading Now:

Our Revolution by Bernie Sanders and First Ladies: From Martha Washington to Laura Bush by Betty Boyd Caroli

Aside from making my way through the Game of Thrones series, I’ve also been reading about politics. Many of you know that last year I was a Bernie Sanders Delegate at the Maine Democratic Convention. I learned so much about politics this year, about how our system works and how a person can make change.

One of the things I’m fascinated by is how the women married to our past presidents have made change, most notably (currently) Hillary Clinton, who did a lot to reframe what the job of the first lady is.

With these two books I’ve been exploring these thoughts further and exploring my own role as a voter and socially-conscious person in this country.

What I just added to my To Read Shelf:

The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein

Notes From a Feminist Killjoy by Erin Wunker

There's a Giveaway in This Post

What I Just Finished Reading:

The Death Pit by Tony Strong. It's been a couple of days... I'm still not actually sure how I feel about this book. It's not great... it's interesting... I don't know. You read it. Tell me what you think. It's stumped me.

How I Learned to Drive by Paula Vogel. I've read such mixed reviews about Paula Vogel. It seems critics either love her or hate her. I love her. This play, which touches on subjects of rape, sexual abuse, incest and alcoholism, is easily one of the best things I've ever read.

What I'm Reading Now:

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. I've only just begun this, but after reading Paula Vogel this seemed like a good place to turn.

The Feminist Bookstore Movement: Lesbian Antiracism and Feminist Accountability by Kristen Hogan. If you're interested in intersectional feminism in any way, I would consider this a must read. I'll have a full review for it when I'm done, I'm sure.

What I'm Listening to:

Popaganda & Backtalk from Bitch Media. This podcast bounces between pop culture and current events, and they discuss absolutely everything.

Vagina Chronicles Podcast. You know the consciousness raising groups of second wave feminism? This is that, only in a podcast. 

What I'm Watching:

She's Beautiful When She's Angry. FANTASTIC summary of the second wave of feminism, and sure to spark some critical discussions of where the "third wave" needs to go. Also, this is a healthy reminder of what works in any social movement, and why it's important to stay vigilant and keep a close eye on where society is headed in regards to marginalized people.

Warrior Women. Grace O'Malley is one of my favorite historical figures. She was a pirate and a chieftain in 16th century Ireland. Lucy Lawless telling her story is one of my favorite things. She always discusses Mulan, Boudica and Lozen.

What I'm Doing:

The next ten people to add me as a friend on goodreads and send me a message about this blog post will get a free ebook of By The River. 

Also, for the next week I'm abandoning my own Instagram and taking over BGP Publishing's account. Expect lots of photos of the orange cat and the naughty ferret.

Book Giveaway

For my birthday I'm giving away a copy of my book. If you join goodreads in order to enter this giveaway send me a friend request, too. Let's have more conversations about reading!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

By the River

by Katrina Ray-Saulis

Giveaway ends April 20, 2016.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

Sarah K. Stephens Talks Writing With Me

Last week I had the opportunity to interview the lovely Sarah K. Stephens, author of A Flash of Red,  "a powerful glimpse at the destructive effects of mental illness and an online addiction on an already broken relationship.” 

Me - To start off, tell me about your books.
Sarah K. - I write literary thrillers. My debut, A flash of red, is coming out winter 2016 from Pandamoon publishing. It's a psychological thriller examining the intersecting lives of three main characters; a husband-wife pair and a university student. All three are losing their connection to reality, in differing ways.
Me - Interesting! How did you get into writing?
Sarah K. - I’m a developmental psychologist by training and a full time university lecturer, but writing has always been a passion for me since I was in elementary school, even.  I walk to work each day, and these story ideas kept popping into my head during my commute. Finally I decided I just needed to find time in my life to write them down.
Me - Lovely. I get a lot of ideas on my morning commute to work as well.
Sarah K. - It's really great to be able to have that time just for thinking

Me - Definitely. What kind of books do you read? Favorite authors?
Sarah K. - Oh my gosh--P.D. James is a favorite of mine.  I've read every single thing she's written. I love her mysteries, but Children of Men is my favorite. Then there is Jessica Francis Kane-- the report was a masterpiece and her short stories just won't leave me after I read them. And of course-- Gillian Flynn is a favorite too. I could go on and on. Tana French too! See--I just keep wanting to add names.
Me - What's your writing routine like?
Sarah K. - I can only listen to instrumental music when I'm writing, so intern towards a lot of Beethoven. And Mozart's requiem, which has words but since they're in Latin I guess it doesn't mix up my writing brain. I prefer to write in the morning if my schedule allows--we have thee children and I try to write while they are at school.  Overall, I've learned over time that even 20-30 min of devoted time is better than nothing. I have to grab the little pockets of time that life as a professional woman and mom gives me.
Me - I can't imagine trying to write with kids. I have a hard enough time writing around my dog.
Sarah K. - We have a pit bull too--and I agree, he takes up a lot of time too
Me - What's your experience with your publisher been? I've seen Pandamoon around quite a bit lately!
Sarah K. - They are incredible! They have done an amazing job creating a community amongst their authors. I've developed strong professional friendships with my fellow 'Pandas' (as we call ourselves)-- I've never felt so supported and encouraged as an author in my life.  I truly feel Pandamoon is my advocate and will do everything to help achieve success for myself and its other authors.
Me - That's beautiful. Is there anything about your books you want future readers to know?
Sarah K. - In my writing, both within my books and my short stories, I strive to try and reveal aspects of our human natures that might otherwise go unnoticed or unremarked.  We are complex creatures, and when we connect via intimate relationships, platonic or romantic, the intricacies become ever more difficult to disentangle and view with clarity. My goal as an author is to try and reveal through my characters the tenuous nature of human connection and, often, how it can go awry.
Me - Well, you've sold me on it. I'll be reading something of yours for sure now. Any last words for our readers?
Sarah K. - I wrote a short story titled Boys. I wrote it in response to the student-led movement to @ endrapeoncampus and my own connections with students in my classes who are survivors of SA.  Many universities, including my own, instituted an emergency alert system where all subscribers would receive messages of emergencies in campus.  I signed up assuming it would be used in the case of campus threats, but from 2012 on it primarily became a medium for the university to notify subscribers that a SA had occurred on campus.  Not what was being done to address sexual violence on campus. Just a reporting tool.  And as the messages piled up in my inbox, I started to worry, first, about the victims and what was being done to prevent SA and to help survivors, but also about the potential for these messages to desensitize subscribers to the issue of SA.  It felt like a superficial attempt to address a very serious issue of safety for students. My story is in direct reaction to this reporting system and its potential for harming the cause of ending rape on campus. It examines three young men who proceed to kidnap a woman walking home from campus who they believe  witnessed them committing a minor traffic crime.  It proceeds from there, the alert system playing a major role throughout the story.
Me - Awesome. What an important topic. Thanks so much for spending this time with me.

Later on, Sarah K. Stephens and I also had a short discussion about Lady Gaga’s powerful performance at the Oscars, so I wanted to include this link to the video because if you haven’t seen it, you must.

Sarah K. Stephens can be found on Twitter @skstephenswrite and on her blog.

Author Interview - Mercedes Fox

~What is your favorite character/subject you have written about? I love to write about werewolves. They fascinate me to no end.

~Give me an elevator pitch for your favorites of the books you've written. Ted’s going the Alaskan hunt of a lifetime. A dream he’s held onto for many years. The lodge is beautiful, the other hunters a bit strange, but he’s assured he’ll fill all tags. Not until the hunt begins does Ted realize he’s the hunted.

~What are you reading right now? Strandead: Prey by Troy McCombs

~What is your writing routine/tricks of the trade you swear by? Music? Candy? Always have to have some sweet snack and my Mtn Dew. I write my best with the TV on turned to a favorite movie. I use it as background noise.

~What's next on the horizon for you? I’m currently working on book 3 of the Vengeance of the Werewolf series. Plus I submitted a short erotic story for review to a publisher and have been offered a position to write erotica for them. I’m thrilled.

Where can you find Mercedes?

Her Blog
Her Website
Pinterest
Facebook
Goodreads
Amazon
Twitter

My Favorites of 2015 #amreading

According to Goodreads I read 62 books this year. These are the ten I loved the most and wish all of you would read and send me your thoughts on.

I should have read The Color Purple by Alice Walker years ago. It was suggested to me many times, but it seemed so sad I just couldn’t bring myself to read it. I’m so glad I finally did. I think often about intersectional feminism, and this book completely embodies those concepts, as it is a discussion of race, economic status, gender and sexuality all in one. I read a quote recently somewhere that said reading is important because it teaches empathy, and this book definitely fulfills that concept.

I read quite a few graphic novels and comic books this year, including Joss Whedon’s Serenity Series, but none stuck with me like The Sandman by Neil Gaiman.  I can’t even quite pinpoint what it is about this series, it’s haunting and contemplative and completely sucks you into the world he’s building. Like everything else Gaiman writes, I suppose...

If I were to name one single book I read this year that everyone should read, and not nearly enough people have heard about, it’s Kindred by Octavia E. Butler. When a black woman is sent back in time she becomes the protector of a white slaveholder who also happens to be her ancestor. If she can’t keep him alive long enough to produce a child, even as he treats her like a slave, then she will never have lived.
Read this book. Today.

I read quite a few plays this year, including Bertolt Brect’s Mother Courage and Her Children, which is just as incredible as its years of notoriety suggest, but August: Osage County by Tracy Letts stands out as one of my favorites plays to read versus watch. This Pulitzer Prize-winning play embodies a huge examination of family dynamics surrounding addiction, death and how we become ourselves while remaining part of a dysfunctional family.

I read Ireland by Frank Delaney early on this year, and haven’t put it down since. I keep picking it up to reread small sections, to visit this world again. My full review of this book says more than I can here. It changed the way I look at my own writing.

Drama: An Actor’s Education is John Lithgow’s autobiography, which I listened to as an audiobook also read by the actor. This fascinating account of his life prompted quite a bit of reflection into my own writing career, what I want from the world and what I can expect. Like Lithgow, I grew up with parents who are creative as well, which had a huge influence on my own creativity.

You may remember that early on this year I was gifted a huge collection of books on women’s history, among them a complete set of Gloria Steinem’s publications. I read her latest book, My Life on the Road, this summer. I wrote a very short review of this book, and feel as though I should have said more. There are quotes from this book littering the outside of my notebooks, and thoughts of certain moments float in and out of my mind daily. I’m currently reading Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions, and I have read a few others. I almost feel as though I can’t write a full assessment of Steinem’s work until I have read them all. Each one seems to build upon the other, the collection an intense look at her own path through the world and feminism. My Life on the Road is the map, the outline of the rest of her work, and career and her life.

I Am Malala: The Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban by Malala Yousafzai. Long title for a girl who, by the age of eighteen, has already had a long career. There is so much I didn’t know about Malala Yousafzai, her father and her fight for education. As we look at the acceptance of refugees in our country, as we think about the value we put on education and the lessons we teach our children about schoolwork, we need to all remember the lessons of Malala Yousafzai. This young girl has much to teach us. Every child should know her name.

My friend Fire Lyte over at Inciting a Riot suggested Girl Waits With Gun by Amy Stewart to me, and I’m so glad he did. This book is about Constance Kopp and her sisters who find themselves on the wrong side of a spoiled and powerful bully. The year is 1914 and the world is changing, and with it so must the Kopp sisters. However, what struck me most about this book was the reactions I got to the title. I had a few friends and a couple of guests at the hotel I work at comment, each time negatively. One gentleman said, “Oh yuck, that sounds horrible,” based just on those four words. Girl Waits With Gun. There is so much power in a book title, isn’t there?

Is there anyone left who hasn’t read Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee? It seems almost cliche to include it in this list since it was, by far, the most talked about book of 2015. I already wrote a pretty extensive review of this book, if you’re interested in learning more. I do not believe in coincidence, and this book came out in a year ripe with discussion of racial tension and outspoken politics because America needed this book this year.

That being said, don’t read Go Set a Watchman without also reading Kindred. Seriously, everyone should read Kindred by Octavia E. Butler.

Chemical Clouds, Lavender Hair Bands

By: Katrina Ray-Saulis

He lifts her from the floor of the classroom. Her left arm is a raw shade of meaty red. Her eyes stolid. He doesn’t hear the screaming parents and teachers or see the other damaged and destroyed children that surround his daughter. He doesn’t feel the shards of glass piercing his pant legs and burying themselves deeply in his knees. He sees only the bits of his little girl's flesh lying in the rubble like discarded clothing she has outgrown. He hears her small breath. Her faint heartbeat flutters, keeping him alive.

She whined when he put her hair up this morning. He wrapped lavender bands around her curls in two small bunches on the top of her head. Her brown eyes winced. He was rougher on her hair than usual. He was thinking about bombs in backpacks and lurking under buses. About the border and the refugee camps beyond it. He was debating escape. But still she smiled afterward, wrapped her small arms around his neck before walking into the school, her brown hair bouncing.

He picks up one of her lavender hair bands from a puddle of blood on the floor and wipes a piece of glass from it. He puts it into his pocket, balancing her on his other arm.

She asked not to go to school. She always wanted to go to school, but today she asked to stay home with him. She asked if she could help him repair the front door and look for a job instead of learning to read. Her eyes were large as she said, “Just for today, papa? Can I stay with you just for today?”

Perhaps she knew.

Now her pieces, her flesh, is melting off of her arm. Victim to a chemical brewed in some far away lab by scientists who couldn't estimate what would come of their life's work.

He leaves the school amid sirens and screams. He ignores the calls of neighbors and government officials. He doesn't return home for any keepsake. He needs only this little girl. He takes disinfectant and bandages from a man in a medic jacket. He cleans her, dresses her wounds, on the sidewalk. When she wakes, her eyes full of fear, he tells her not to be scared, as they begin their pilgrimage. Whispers and bribes move them closer to safety.

The closer he gets to the border the tighter he grips her young body. He has to cross with her or not cross at all. There is a van, a truck, a worn pair of boots. He is focused on her face, every sign of life from it keeps him moving. Day becomes night in his blurred vision. At some point he wraps her in a blanket, but he doesn't know where it came from. He remembers the first blanket he swaddled her in, her infant cry hoarse and thick. Her mother dead in giving her life. He vowed to make that life worth the loss of her. Branches snag at his bare arms but he is silent as he crosses the border. The camp is a few miles further still. He feels as though he's being pulled there, the weight of her in his arms his momentum.

When he reaches it he knows it as though he has been there before, but it is only familiar from the images in his head. The things he imagined around drinks in dark rooms. Stories whispered among neighbors. Neighbors whose warnings he refused to acknowledge.

Refugees and volunteers mingle around the building, the only distinction between the two is the look of loss in their eyes. 

He leaves behind his home, his country. What is left of it. He leaves behind his wife’s remains, now dust beneath a pile of dirt and bricks. He walks toward a metropolis of white tents. Dirty children scrape corn out of metal bowls.

 A woman steps toward him. Her home is intact. It is somewhere else, on a different continent. But she is here, holding out her hand to help him. She carries the weight of destruction on her shoulders, too. He imagines what she would have been like as a child. He knows her country is one where little girl's hair ties fall on clean pavement.