Yesterday was easily one of the most amazing days of my life. A few years ago when I was going through a really rough time I was posting some cryptic facebook statuses, something I hate but my depression took over at that point. I received an email from a podcaster I admire. She emailed me asking if I was alright, saying she had seen a lot of sadness in my recent posts and wanted to be sure I wasn't in a bad situation. I'm not sure I had realized before that that she read my posts, that I was worthy of someone so amazing as Sparrow reading my posts. That email was a turning point for me. That email prompted me to talk about my feelings, to change my situation. That chain of events set into play me moving in with Elizabeth, looking for a job I truly enjoy and applying to college. I was bigger than the depression I was experiencing and having someone like Sparrow notice that changed everything.
Yesterday I met Sparrow and Mojo in person in Salem, Massachusetts. We spent the day laughing, shopping, walking through the beautiful Salem community. We ate an amazing lunch in The Lobster Shanty. I haven't suffered from depression in awhile and yesterday took me to a level of incredible happiness depression would never survive in. Easily one of the most amazing days of my life.
Mojo and Sparrow are two kind, incredibly powerful people. Being in their presence at first made me nervous, like meeting celebrities and then realizing those celebrities know your name. Within minutes, though, we were comfy. By the end of the day it was like we had known each other for years, old friends just hanging out doing what friends do. I feel amazingly blessed for the time they shared with me, and for the other people I got to know yesterday, Fae and Scarlet and the other podcasters, Velma, Greywolf, Oraia, Saturn. You all made my day, and I can't express how special it was for me.
In others news, where have I been? Well the semester began a few weeks ago. This semester I am taking two literature courses and a women's studies course which means I'm doing a lot of writing. I'm also working on finishing up a new article for the magazine I've been freelance writing for. It's a good life.
The time I would have normally spent blogging, however, has been going into a different project. At the beginning of this summer I began writing my memoirs. At this point I have around 40,000 words and I am still going. I'm not entirely sure who I will share these memoirs with. I thought I wanted to do more with them, but the more I write them the more I wonder if I should keep them to myself. It's difficult exposing some of the more painful sides of your own life.
Why am I writing them? Multiple reasons. The realization of some things I hadn't pieced together before is a big one. I also feel as though until I have my own life straightened out on paper I can't write as well about others. I have never become so obsessed with finishing a piece of writing like I have been these memoirs. I've never written so much on one topic. But maybe, just maybe, if I get my own pain, my own emotion, my own story out on paper, maybe I can focus on someone else's.